SAHM- “she’d rather live in poverty”

I was out with my little one and a female relative (not my mum or sister just to be clear) but another female on monday in my local town getting a few bits n bobs just the usual when we stopped to speak to a few ladies this relative knew. One asked me “well Vicki are you back at work yet?” ( as my maternity leave officially ends this friday) and I explained that hubby and I had decided that our little one would benefit much more if I was at home with her instead of going out to work and pouring our money into a minder or nursery. Now this all seems pretty normal so far until, my relative who was with me gave this comment ” she’d rather they lived in poverty than go out and work!” . I was floored, my face went bright red and I could feel the tears coming into my eyes. The lady I was speaking to, was very kind she could see I was so taken aback by the comment and said quickly well I think if your able to stay at home with your little one and want to thats brilliant, I did, hardest job in the world. Gave me a wee hug and they went on their way pretty quickly.

I didn’t acknowledge the comment at all afterwards I simply gathered myself and carried on because I didn’t know what to say, and this particular lady always knows best, her way is the only way end of. You will never win any argument you have with this lady nor get your side to be heard or understood no matter how valid your point is.   Maybe you are reading this and thinking you are making this a big deal but the comment “cut me to the bone” as we say.

See i suppose you could say I have a chip on my shoulder about this, mainly due to the fact that prior to having my little one i never thought anyone would look down on a mother for becoming a SAHM. I actually thought the opposite would be true. My mum and my hubby’s mum both were SAHM until us and our siblings were at school and then they took up pt work. So it wasn’t an outlandish thought to either of us for me to do the same with our children when they came along. However we soon realised that EVERYONE had an opinion on it and disappointingly quite often a negative one. I have been made to feel by some individuals that I am choosing the easy option that I am too lazy to work and get comments like “oh lucky you, you can go out for lunch and sleep in and do whatever you want and not have to worry about work” (yes I was thinking the same, it’s so easy to have a lie in with a newborn BF on demand and get out for lunch and have some me time! NOT ) or “nice for some not having to work”! (I can feel my blood pressure rising as I type).

But worst of all I have been made feel like I am in some way being disloyal to my hubby and putting stress or strain on him because he would be the sole “breadwinner”. This latest comment hurt me because it was as if I just don’t care about “us” our family, that I want us to go without because “IVE” decided to stay at home!  We decided I should stay at home that means me and hubby not me on my own “we”. It would cost the guts of £400 a month for our little one to go to a nursery part time thats enough to rent a house here. We just didn’t see the point in me going out to work to pour  a lot of my wages back into child care. Also hubby works his backside off and we are no means rich but not in poverty either. Sure the purse strings are tight and budgeting and being money savvy is now a daily thing but isn’t a lot of people in the same situation these days?

We think our little one will benefit so much having me at home, and lets face it babies grow into children then teens then adults so quick i want to spend as much time with little one helping her grow and develop and supporting her every step of the way because it not be long till she’s all grown up and i’ll probably be too uncool to spend time with. And as for being lazy, i’m sure like every other SAHM i am up out of bed by 7am every morning 7.30 on a good day, I cook I clean I do the washing ironing groceries, I run errands, attend appointments (no not leisurely nail salons or hairdressers more like health visitor and doctor), all whilst at same time feeding, changing, and entertaining a baby (whilst trying to keep to babies routine). At night i cut sew and stitch my little heart out for my craft biz Elliebearbabi and somewhere attempt to get a few hours kip before I start all over again. Don’t get me wrong I truly love being a SAHM LOOOOOVE it! But phew its hard work.

Hubby said something quite lovely to me in regard’s to this He said he’s so proud of me  and so is she (being babi bear) and to me thats all that matters that my family are happy because they are my world.

So in future when asked are you going back to work? Im going to be positive keep my head up high and be proud to say no, im a SAHM ” hardest but best job in the world”  🙂

Whats your views on SAHMs?

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3 thoughts on “SAHM- “she’d rather live in poverty”

  1. I’m a full time working mum and this made my blood boil (on your behalf). How bloody rude!!!! I feel its a bit like my own mother telling me that I’m a part time mother (another subject that i read a post on recently). But seriously, your kids will benefit so much for having you around if its what you want to do. I’m not sure i’m entirely cut out to be a SAHM even if I had that option – I could have continued to work part time if I could have found a decent part time job but when I was made redundant the only decent jobs I could find (that I wouldn’t be bored out of my skull doing) were full time so I went for it. I wouldn’t say my kids are suffering for it. They love nursery and we have an aupair that my daughter loves spending time with but I do wish I could spend more quality time with them. If money were less of an issue I would definitely give it a go. But as you say, its BLOODY hard work. If this woman says something like that to you again, punch her in the face (not really – tell her politely to keep her opinions to herself in the future).

  2. Urgh, how annoying. I hate when people project their own issues on to other people!

    You really can’t win. I am a stay at home mum but I also run a business from home (I mainly work at night when they are in bed) and I really don’t think you can win. I have had negative comments for working hard / long hours into the night when I have kids to look after too, and I have had comments like I laze around all day being a stay at home mum in the day. It is ridiculous!

    I just think as long as you are happy, whether its working or staying at home, you don’t need to care. It is clearly them that has some underlying issue not you 🙂

    L xx

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